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Dear EN Creators,

With the sad and much regretted departure of Rogue from the great comic of Exterminatus Now, I notice that the EN Team is short a character. While I'm sure the creators are already working on what they've planned to do next, I will happily interject that I have been working on an original character that would be a brilliant addition to the team.

The full description of his character (which I of course expect to be followed to the letter and punctuation symbol) is as follows:


Name: Lance McNeil El Barto Simmons of BlackFyre, though people just call him "Blade".

Gender: Yes please!

Favourite blood type: OB-

Birthplace: Unknown

Birthdate: Known

History:
He was in the military forces until he was 16 (ninja division) where he went on to become a rock and roll legend for the next few years. At an after concert party, an ancient ritual was invoked accidentally by drunk partygoers, and a daemon from another dimension gave him superpowers. This led to him being recruited into a top secret branch of the government for people with special abilities where he went on secret missions as part of an elite team while receiving nanotechnology upgrades, before he left at the age of 23 to start his own highly successful electronics and technology company. (He'd been a genius of electronics, building his first computer running Halo when he was 6 years old. He was gracious enough not to sue Bungie when they stole his game). When he had to sacrifice his entire company in order to defeat an evil crime syndicate, he decided to strike out in a new direction and joined the Exterminatus Now team through coincidental happenstance.

Species and Appearance:
His is a panda/jackle hybrid of a Peach/Octarine colour, violet markings in the shape of Dreamcast swirls below each cheek, and a jagged scar that goes across his forehead, through his right eye, down his jawline to his right shoulder where it splits in two and one goes down his arm getting gradually wider before abruptly stopping at his elbow while the other streaks diagonally across his front torso to his left hip and circles his leg twice on its way down to his ankle, where it splits into a vague inverted pitchfork shape and then just ends.
When asked about the scar, he will usually just stay silent or change the conversation.

Attire:
He dresses in a very back trousers with a black sleeveless shirt and very, very, very, very, very dark blue socks. Studded green combat boots and neon pink fingerless gloves. He wears a scarf with the Hufflepuff colours on it, and usually keeps a flip knife strapped beneath his right wrist, cleverly concealed by his shirt sleeve. His hair is a bright tangerine colour, with red streaks that combine into a red quiff with a blue tip, and rose highlights. He wears a single earring that his actually a transmitter and a high yield explosive ordinance which has saved his life on multiple occasions and is also very fashionable. It is rumoured that he wears a gold band bracelet on his left wrist but no one has ever seen it on him.

Skills:
His skills include skateboarding, electric guitar, accordion playing, using chakra beams (a technique whereby chi from his aura is transformed into solid beams that shoot out of his hand or can be swung around like knunchucks), football, table tennis, speaking 12 languages (including Esperanto), surgery, fashion design, knife throwing, close range sniper combat (slamming people over the head with sniper rifles) and card house construction.
His most powerful technique is so powerful it can instantly destroy the entire planet along with everything within a 5 galaxy radius. Fortunately, he's only had to use this technique once.

Weapons:
A sword powered by the soul of his dead girlfriend but he doesn't use it very often.
A diskblade, boomberang that he can throw at enemies to decapitate or just temporarily stun them.
A 35mm gun capable of shooting bullets at enemies.
A techno music CD collection he uses as part of psychological warfare.
A grenade that doesn't explode, but is instead coated with itching powder which will cause great discomfort to the enemies' hands if they try to pick it up.
A Gunaxtar: A combination of an electric guitar, a shotgun, a flamethrower, and an axe. No futher explanation is necessary.


Notes:
Some people believe he is the reincarnated form of an ancient druid/warrior/ruler (short life spans meant they got a lot done quickly in those times), that reigned over an ancient civilisation and brought it to glory; others don't.
Once ended a 100 year war between two nations after telling each side to work towards peace and set aside their differences.
Knows the definition of the word: "ungulate".
Has decided not to compete in every single competition in the known universe because it would be "too easy".
Has a Finnish cousin.

Usage suggestions:
He should be introduced to the team after taking down a gigantic enemy that was facing the entire team. His first words to the team should be "Sorry to interrupt, but it looked like you needed some help." The team should deny this even though the enemy would have obliterated them if it had not been for Blade's actions.
The next 10 comics after his introduction should focus entirely on Blade so that the readership can get familiar and learn to like him. If they don't, I suggest you keep the comics focused on him until all the people who don't like him leave the site.

Quotes:
"My choice is to either kill all your asses or not. Who wants to bet I'll choose the second option.... because you'd be WRONG!"
"I'm even better than myself."
"While you were all NOT saving the world, I was doing something else."
"Easy as zipping my fly."
"There was a guy who was awesome. I was that guy."
"It's okay, I learned how to do this in/when... *insert life experience*"
*tries something insanely, and even impossibly, difficult and instantly succeeds* "Not bad for a first attempt"
*to pretty much everybody who seems mildly upset* "It's alright, not everyone can be me."
*to a bad guy* "Die."
*on the artistic styles of the late 19th century* "While I feel that the Impressionist movement, brought on by such artists as Monet and Renoir, brought a much needed expressive and invigorating energy to artistic landscape that previously relied heavily on its visual fidelity to the real world, the mistake of overemphasising..." *continues for 4 hours*

Sample Comics with Blade in them:

Blade: Hey Guys!
Virus: Hey, its Blade.
Harry: Awesome, its Blade!
Lothar: Brilliant, Blade is here!
Blade: I am awesome today.
Virus: Yes, you are awesome.
Harry: Brilliant, you're awesome!
Lothar: *Says nothing because he's passed out drunk after barfing on the couch*
Blade: Oh ha ha, that Lothar. Will he ever learn?

Virus: The cultists have taken an entire building by hostage. They'll kill them all in 10 seconds if we don't surrender and kill ourselves immediately.
Blade: Leave it to me. *closes eyes*
Virus: Huh?
Blade: *Opens eyes* I killed every cultist in the building just by thinking about it.
Virus: Great, are you up for a beer?
Blade: Yes.

Blade: *spends the entire comic singing the lyrics to a song he happens to love at that moment in time*
*last panel*
Virus: Wow, you think you like that song too much?
Blade: *insert vaguely funny punchline relating to the song/artist/another song by the artist here to give an ironic wrap up to the comic*

Lothar: I shall kill puppies today.
Blade: No you shall not, that is a bad thing to do.
Lother: You're right, I was wrong. Thank you for showing me the way.
Blade: Anytime *twangs electric guitar*

Thank you for reading and I look forward to seeing Lance McNeil El "Blade" Barto Simmons of BlackFyre in the comic in the near future.

Regards,
Sofox

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